Age Calculators

Here are some calculators. The one on the left can be used by people to find out their real age. The one on the right is simply an amusement for dogs who want to calculate their age in people years. These are more sophisticated calculations then your lame old "one-dog-year-equals-seven-people-years" garbage. That would mean that people could start having babies at the age of six, and we all know they're way too immature for that. Heck, they can't even fetch until they're ten or eleven. So while your mileage may vary, here's an age calculator for a normal dog. What's a "normal" dog? We're normal dogs.

Of course you might already be aware of the fact that, for better or worse, those small, yippy-yappy-type dogs (we call them "devitos") tend to live longer than us normal-sized dogs. And you can believe that we weren't going to hear the end of it until we came up with another calculator that reflected their abnormal life-span.

And finally, once we'd come up with a small dog calculator, then all those Bernards and Mastiffs started crying in their beer because large dogs tend to mature slower and don't live as long, as they're feeling sorry for themselves and none of that was reflected in our first two calculators, bark, bark, bark. It's a whole "live slow, die young" thing. But anyway, we had to come up with a calculator for them, too.

Disclaimer

We can't take credit for creating the original calculator that we used to make these calculators. After all, who's got time to learn javascript with all those squirrels on the loose. The point of mentioning this is that we don't know who DID create the original calculator. We tried to figure it out. We sniffed it up one side and down the other, but it just wasn't marked anywhere. What can we say?

—Woody & Chigger

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